Set sail into the sea of humor with these side-splitting pirate jokes guaranteed to tickle your funny bone! Perfect for themed parties, or simply to add a dash of fun to your day, these jokes capture the adventurous spirit of piracy and merriment.
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They’ll just wash up on shore later!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R, but it be the C!
- How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
- What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle.
- What does a pirate pay for his corn? A buccaneer!
- How do pirates make their money? By hook or by crook.
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved!
- Why are pirates great singers? They hit the high Cs.
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A rookie.
- Where do pirates put their weapons? In their enemy’s chest!
- What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.
- How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
- Why couldn’t the pirate go to the movies? It was rated arrr!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish? A swordfish!
- How do pirates prefer their steaks? Charrrrrrred.
- Why don’t pirates like the alphabet? They get lost at C.
- What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky!
- Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate? Because he was standing on the deck!
- What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle? A crew cut!
- How do pirates like their eggs? Terri-fried!
- Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his “Arrrrrrrrticulation”!
- What do you call a pirate with two arms and two legs? A beginner.
- How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRR!
- Why did the pirate refuse to say “yes”? He felt more comfortable saying “aye”!
- Why didn’t the pirate go to the dance? He had two left feet.
- What does a dyslexic pirate say? Raaaa!
- Why did the pirate sit on a pumpkin? He wanted to squash the lower deck!
- What do pirates and penguins have in common? They can’t fly.
- Why do pirates go to art school? To learn how to draw their swords!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks!
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye matey!”
- Why did the pirate bring a mop to the party? He heard it was a deck party!
- What do pirates read? Maga-z-arrrs!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite weapon? A barrrrowgun.
- How do pirates like to communicate? With arrr-ticulate speech!
- How do young pirates learn to read? With the alpha-bet yer life.
- Why don’t pirates play football? Too many penal-t-arrs!
- Why do pirate kids eat their homework? Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- What do you call a pirate with four eyes? A piiii-irate!
- Why do pirates carry rum? For arrr-thritic pain!
- What do you call cheesy pirate behavior? Cheddarrrgh!
- Where do pirates store their workout clothes? Davy Jone’s locker.
- What do you call a pirate biker? Rebel without a Claus (Santa).
- Why do pirates make terrible fishermen? They can’t let go of the nets.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite shop? Barrghain Center!
- Why do pirates wear eye patches? To have better night vision on one eye in the dark below deck!
- How do rich pirates communicate? With encryption!
- What do you call an optimist pirate? A Yeasayer!
- Why do pirates never get lost? They follow the starred map.
- What kind of grades does a pirate get? High Cs!
- Why do pirates carry soap? To wash ashore.
- What do you get when you cross a pirate with a zucchini? A squashbuckler.
- How do pirates declutter? They throw things over-barrghd!
- What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor? Robbin’ Hook.
- How much do pirate earrings cost? A Buccaneer!
- What kind of ships do pirates have trouble with? Relationships!
- Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr!
- What does a pirate say during a blizzard? Shiver me timbers!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a house? The farrrrrr end.
- How does a pirate compliment a meal? Shiver me timbers, that was good!
- Why do pirates wear stripes? Because they don’t want to be spotted.
- Why did the pirate join the gym? To improve his muscle ARRm.
- How do you save a drowning pirate? With a life ARRraft.
- What do you call a pirate who’s in love? Smitten on the seven seas.
- Why did the pirate’s phone go to voicemail? Because he left it off the hook.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite mood? Over-zealously ARRgressive.
- What kind of a party does a pirate like best? A house pARRty.
- Where do pirates hold meetings? Over c-ARRd tables.
- How do you know if a pirate has been in the fruit aisle? Look for the sliced arrrrranges!
- How did the pirate stop smoking? He cut out the cigars and kept the patches.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move? The hook shot.
- Why are pirates great bakers? They’ve got the best hooks for mixing.
- Why do pirates make excellent fishermen? They know how to hook ’em!
- Why don’t pirates use credit cards? They prefer to bury their treasure.
- What does a pirate say when he steps on a LEGO? Arrrgh! That’s the spot!
- How do pirates like to travel? By cARRR.
- What does a pirate wear to a business meeting? A three-piece suitski!
- What do you call it when a pirate breaks up with his girlfriend? A relation-shipwreck!
- What do you call a pirate with three legs? Tripple-ARRed.
- How do pirates start a race? On your mark, get set, arrrr!
- Why did the pirate become a chef? He had a taste for searrrrfood.
- Why do pirate ships never get lonely? Because they always have a buoy nearby.
- What do you call a quiet pirate? A shhh-arrr-ker!
- What does a pirate say when he’s happy? Yo-ho-ho!
- What do you call a pirate who skips school? Captain Hooky.
- How do pirates like their steaks? On the rare side of the seven seas.
- Why are pirates bad at alphabet songs? They get lost at “C”!
- When does a pirate go “Arrrr!”? When he’s impressed!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of cookie? Ships Ahoy!
- Why don’t pirates use a GPS? They navigate by the stars!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite animal? A seal – too hard to open!
- How do pirates prefer their vegetables? Arrrrtichokes!
- Which article of clothing do pirates spend the most on? Their booty jeans!
- Why did the pirate buy an eyepatch? To match his peg leg chic.
- What do pirates and owls have in common? They both say “Hoo!” – but pirates say “Hooooy!”
- How do pirates like to relax? By taking a sea-esta!
- Why do pirates carry swords? They can’t afford cannons on every deck!
- What do you get when you cross a pirate with a robot? AARRRR2-D2!
- How do pirates access their email? Through the hAAARRRd drive!
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A beginner.
- Why do pirates make great boxers? They have a killer right hook.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch” line!
- What exercise do pirates dread? Plank-ton!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite state? Arrrrkansas!
- How do pirates like their pizza? Deep sea dish!
- How do you turn a pirate furious? Take away the p from his irate mood!
- Why don’t pirates get hungry at sea? They survive on a steady diet of “navy” beans!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite mode of transportation on land? CARRRnage!
- What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns Silvers!
- What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty!
- How do pirates commend performance? “Ye did a jAARRRing good job there, matey!”
- What happens when a pirate gets angry? He goes off the deep end.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball team? The Hooks!
- What seafood do pirates refuse to eat? Anything that’s a little fishy.
- How do you know you’re a pirate? You just arrrrr.
- What do pirates watch on TV? Game of Thrones, for the Iron Throne reminds them of their ship’s anchor.
- How do pirates solve their problems? They think outside the “box”!
- Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? She wouldn’t stop sea-teasing him.
- Why don’t pirates work in offices? They can’t stand being “marooned” indoors!
- How do pirates keep up with the news? They read the ship’s log!
- Why did the pirate go to college? To improve his “articulate” skills.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite chocolate bar? Treasure Chests!
- Why do pirates hate winter? The snow covers their treasure maps.
- What do you call a pirate who loves to take chances? Risky Roger!
- Why did the pirate refuse to play cards? He was standing on the deck!
- How do pirates like their steak? Medium ARRRRare!
- What do you call a pirate with good shoes? Booty-licious!
- Why did the pirate go to yoga class? To improve his flexibility for swabbing the deck!
- What musical instrument do pirates fear most? The organ, because they don’t like having anything Arrrganized!
- Why do pirates make terrible singers? They can’t hit the high seas!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Rock and roARRR!
- Why don’t pirates use the metric system? They love their feet as much as their fleet!
- Which superhero is a pirate’s favorite? Hookman!
- What does a pirate do when he’s lost his ship? He BARRow one!
- How do pirates communicate in secret? Using nautical flags—of course, it’s all just semaphore!
- How does a pirate say goodbye to his sweetheart? “Aye’ll treasure you always!”
- What do you call a pirate who likes to cook? A saucy sailor!
- Why did the pirate carry a stick? Because he had a parrot on his shoulder and he needed a perch!
- How do pirates prefer their tea? With a splash of the high seas!
- Why did the pirate fail at fishing? He kept throwing the hook overboard!
- What do you call an unhappy pirate crew? Mutin-AARRR!
- How does a pirate get his point across? By making a pointy hook motion!
- What building does a pirate fear the most? The Courthouse, because that’s where they get arrrrraigned!
- Why are pirates bad at letters? Because they can only spell words with Arrrs and Seas!
- What do pirates watch to relax? Arrrr-omantic comedies!
- How do pirates like to communicate? With Arrrr-speak phone!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite gymnastic move? The plank walk!
- Why do pirates not trust the stock market? Too many sunken investments!
- How do you know if a pirate is friendly? He waves!
- What hobbies do pirates have? They’re into crafting hooks and patch-quilting!
- Why don’t pirates like modern technology? They’re scared of surfing the web. They only like the surf with ships!
- How do you impress a pirate girl? Show her your treasure map and X that marks the spot!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite snack? Ships and dip!
- What do you call a pirate whose boat isn’t clean? Dirty arrrrrrgh-rated!
- How do pirates stay fit? By constantly swimming back to the ship!
- Why did the pirate bring an orange to a duel? He heard it would leave his opponent peeling!
- What’s the biggest problem with pirate jokes? They hook you in!
- What would you call a magical pirate? Harry Plunder!
- What do you get if you cross a pirate with a robot? An arrrrrtificial intelligence!
- What do you call a careful pirate? A nervous wreck.
- Where do pirates purchase their hooks? At the second-hand store!
- Why did the pirate refuse the blind date? He was afraid of getting catfished!
- How do pirates like their parties? With lots of ARRRR and ARRRR!
- Why do pirates enjoy fishing? For the halibut!
- What kind of tie does a pirate wear to a formal party? A bow arrrrrrtie!
- Why do pirates hate double dates? Because they can’t stand having a third wheel!
- How do pirates stay calm? By maintaining their com-posey!
- What do you call a pirate with two wooden legs and an eye patch? A double seer!
- Why do pirates love watching horror movies? They have great jump scares!
- What do you call a pirate pun? Hooked on humor!
- What county fairs do pirates like best? Ones with the best booty prizes!
- What do pirate moms cook for dinner? Whatever they can arrrrrange!
- Why did the pirate bring his parrot to school? So it could say “Poly want a cracker!”
- Why did the pirate go to the seafood restaurant? For the fish and ships!
- What does a pirate wear to bed? PajARRRs!
- Why did the pirate refuse the free drink? He didn’t want to get ship-faced.
- What do you call a pirate who’s good at catching fish? A master baiter.
- Why don’t pirates worry about losing their ship’s wheel? It drives them nuts anyway!
- Why was the pirate always calm during battles? He had plenty of arrrrrtillery.
- How do pirates like their doughnuts? With sprinkles and arrrrrrgh-sugar on top.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of the newspaper? The editorial ARRRRticle.
- How do you stop a pirate from charging? Take away his credit card.
- What do pirates and poets have in common? A love for the arrrrts.
- When do pirates go shopping? When there’s a sail.
- How did the pirate get his flag so cheap? It was on sale.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite vegetable? ARRRRtichokes!
- Why don’t pirates like riding the bus? Too many arrrrrgh-guments over fare.
- How does a pirate get to the top of the building? By elevataaaarrrr.
- What do you call a pirate ghost? A spookaneer.
- What’s a pirate’s worst fear? Darren the Daring taking all his treasure.
- What do pirates learn in kindergarten? The alphabet, especially R!
- What do you call an explosive pirate ship? Boom and bust.
- Why are pirate jokes so funny? They just arrrrr!
- How do pirates make their sea voyage profitable? Net gains.
- Why are pirates great at fishing? They know how to catch the drift.
- What did the pirate say when his leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- How do pirates say hello to each other? Ahoy matey!
- Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite aspect of marketing? The brand arrrrrchitecture!
- Why do pirates make excellent landscapers? They’re great at burying treasure (and sometimes, plants)!
- How do pirates like their sandwiches? On arrrrrtisan bread!
- Why do pirates love geometry? Because of all the pi-rates!
- How does a pirate refuse a drink? No, thanks. I’m the designated arrrrgh-driver tonight.
- Why are pirates such bad cooks? They keep throwing everything into the crock pot!
- What kind of grades do pirates get at school? High seas!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument to play? The guitarrrrr!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball team? The Golden State WorriARRS.
- Why did the pirate join the orchestra? Because he had a talent for the high Cs!
- How do pirates like to spend a day off? Lounging on the deck.
- What do pirates say on a snowy day? Looks like frostARR is coming!
- How did the pirate become a lawyer? He passed the bARR exam!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite movie genre? Anything but documentaries—too many facts and not enough fictions!
- Why did the pirate go to art class? To improve his sketching of X marks the spot.
- What kind of dog does a pirate prefer? A Shih Tzu, it fits right into his lap while he’s steering the ship.
- Why don’t pirates use the metric system? They like to keep their feet on the deck!
- Why did the pirate sit in peanut butter? He wanted to feel like he was sailing the high seas!
- How do pirates get ready for a big fight? They start with warming up their vocal ARRgs!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of ammo? Cannon bARRs!
- What do pirates say when they take over a ship? Now, this is arrrr ship!
- What do pirates use to communicate at a noisy party? Their i-Patch.
- How do you know if a pirate is having a good time? He’s absolutely ship-faced!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite smartphone feature? The voice navigation—turn right at the next shipwreck.
- Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap? So they can wash up on shore!
- What did the pirate wear to his wedding? A tuxedARRR!
- How do pirates like their steak done? Charrrrr-coaled.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a joke? The punch-ARRLine.
- Why did the pirate refuse to play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- How do pirates spice up their meals? With sea-salt and pepp-ARRR!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite chore? Swabbing the desk after homework.
- How do modern pirates send their messages? By arrrr-mail.
- What does a pirate do after he buries his treasure? Celebrates with a little jARR of rum.
- Why are pirates lousy at playing cards? Because they’re always standing on the deck.
- What’s the pirate’s favorite thing about school? Recess, ’cause they don’t have to sit in classrrrroom!
- When is a pirate’s speech most powerful? When it’s all in cARRRnival.
- Why did the pirate go to space? To explore the unchARRRted universe.
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A novice seafARReR.
- What TV show do pirates love? “Game of Thrones”—because there’s a lot of seizing the iron throne!
- How do pirates like their movies? With plenty of ARRRR-tion and adventure.
- Why do pirates not like winter? Too chilly even for their timber shivers!
- How do pirates decorate their ships? With bARRRnacles and seaweed wreaths!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite thing to read at the beach? A tide chart, so they know when to come ashore!
- Why do pirates carry a treasure map? Google Maps doesn’t show where X marks the spot!
- What game do little pirates play during recess? Capture the flag…ship!
- Why was the pirate arrested at the seafood restaurant? He was caught shrimplifting!
- How do pirates handle disagreements? They don’t turn the other cheek; they turn the cannon!
- Why do pirates make poor poets? Their verses are all on the high C’s.
- What did the pirate say in the art gallery? Look at this booty-ful art!
- How do pirates know when they are in love? They feel knots in their stomachs—ship knots!
- Why don’t pirates like to play basketball? They’re always traveling.
- What do pirates add to their morning cereal? A spoonful of sugarrrr and a splash of milky seas.
- How do pirates keep their secrets? In a sealed bottle.
- What do you call a pirate without an eye patch? More eye-seeing than arrr-seeing!
- Why did the pirate go to the gym? To keep his booty in shape!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite yoga pose? The plank!
- Why did the pirate become a chef? He had a natural talent for arrr-tisan bread.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite amusement park ride? The carrrrousel!
- Why do pirates always carry duct tape? For patching up their sails, of course!
- How do pirates motivate their crew? With gold coins and pep tARRRks!
- What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky!
- How do you know if a pirate has been in your fridge? The Jolly Roger is on your container of leftovers!
- Why don’t pirates use paper maps anymore? They prefer to keep their charts on tablet-ARRs!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite song? Anything that isn’t a sea shanty!
- Why do pirates wear gold earrings? They act as savings accounts for rainy days!
- What did the pirate see in his soup? An enemy ship and a sea monster, but it was just alphabet pasta.
- How do pirates relax after a long day? They hit the bARRR for some grog!
- What did the pirate say at the retirement party? Let’s give a big hand for the man with the hook!
- How do pirates end their prayers? Ahoy-men!
- Why do pirate ships have bars? So the crew can have a merry time after marooning!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite computer key? The “Arrr” key!
- How do pirates get their children to sleep? They tell cARRRming bedtime stories.
- How do pirates know they’ve fallen in love? They feel their hearts anchored.
- What do pirates and bees have in common? They both buzz about finding hives and hARRRves!
- Why don’t pirates like fast food? Because they can’t savor the high seas!
- Why did the pirate refuse to play chess? He couldn’t decide if he liked the rook or the bishop better!
- How do pirates avoid getting sick at sea? They eat plenty of vitamin sea!
- Why did the pirate buy a parrot? Because it was cheaper than a therapist!
- What do you call a pirate with both eyes and both legs? A rookie!
- How do pirates keep their ship from moving? They drop the anchorrr!
- Why do pirates make excellent fisherman? They have a knack for catching the loot!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite activity at a fair? The ferris wheel, because it’s the wheel of ship!
- How do pirates like their ship to look? Ship-shape and Bristol fashion!
- Why do pirates love autumn? For the beautiful foliage arrrrr-ray of colors!
- How do pirates greet each other on the phone? Ahoy there, who’s this?
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite song? Anything no-sea!
- How do pirates organize their files? In orderly arrrrrrays!
- What do hungry pirates do? Grub on the deck!
- Why do pirate kids go to school? To improve their navigation and arrrrrtistic skills!
- How do pirates like their pie? As a pirate of the crust!
- Why are pirates bad at basketball? The only hook they know is on their arm!
- Why did the pirate go to college? To improve his skulls and crossbones!
- What kind of cars do pirates drive? CARRRnivals!
- What do you call a pirate with two wooden legs? A slow mover on deck!
- How do pirates like their steak? On the barrrbecue!
- What do you get when you cross a pirate with a robot? A swaggering cybARR!
- Why do pirates carry swords? They can’t resist a good swashbuckling!
- How do pirates write secret messages? In invisible ink!
- Why do pirates love Photoshop? For the layers!
- How do pirates manage without modern technology? They rely on starrr power!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite national park? Arrrches National Park!
- How do pirates like their movies? With plenty of ship action and arrrtifact recovery!
- Why don’t pirates like using checks? They prefer their cash in chests!
- How does a pirate declutter? He holds a yard sail!
- What do you call a careful pirate? Parrrticular!
- What do pirates do when bored? They tell tales of the high seas!
- Why do pirates have shiny teeth? Because they brig-gle every chance they get!
- How do pirates like their soup in the winter? With arrrtichoke hearts!
- What do you call a pirate who steals from charity shops? A bARRgain hunter!
- Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? She couldn’t handle his sea-going ways!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food? BARRRitos!
- How are pirate ships like politicians? Both change course when the wind changes!
- Why do pirates love the moon? It’s a perfect guide for night plunder!
- What do you call an explosive pirate? Dynamite Davy Jones!
- How did the pirate express his affection? He arrgh-ed his love!
Hope you enjoyed this treasure chest of pirate jokes! Keep the laughter sailing by sharing these with friends and family. Great for lightening up any gathering or simply for a laugh break amidst busy schedules, these jokes prove humor is truly a timeless treasure.
