60 Nurse Jokes That Are Just What The Doctor Ordered

Prepare for a hearty dose of laughter as we present our compilation of nurse jokes. Perfect for brightening up a long shift or lightening the mood in the waiting room, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. Get ready to laugh out loud as we administer a therapeutic dose of humor.

1. Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the freezer? Because she wanted to give her patients some chilling news.
2. Why don’t nurses play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your shoes are squeaking!
3. What do you call a nurse with a bad back? An ‘I.C.U.’ nurse.
4. Why did the nurse always carry a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood.
5. Why did the nurse go to art school? She knew a thing or two about drawing blood.
6. Why was the nurse always calm? Because she had a lot of patients.
7. Why did the nurse carry a pencil behind her ear? To draw some blood, of course!
8. What do you call a nurse who just got out of nursing school? Stetho-“new”-scope!
9. Why don’t nurses tell secrets in a hospital? Because the walls have ears, the chairs have arms, and the tables have legs!
10. Why do nurses carry a thermometer? Because they want to have a temperature for every situation.
11. How does a nurse scare a vampire? She draws blood!
12. Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? Because she heard her patient’s health was on a high!
13. Why do nurses always carry band-aids? Because they know how to stick to their job!
14. Why did the nurse go fishing? Because she wanted to catch some patient fish!
15. How do you know a nurse is a good cook? She’s used to prepping for surgery!
16. Why did the nurse always carry an umbrella? Because health issues often rain down!
17. Why did the nurse become a gardener? She wanted to get to the root of the problem.
18. Why don’t nurses ever play cards? Because they’re always dealing with hearts.
19. Why did the nurse go to the beach? Because she heard it’s good for vit-sea-n D!
20. Why do nurses make good detectives? Because they’re experts at checking vital signs.
21. Why did the nurse always win at Monopoly? Because she kept getting a “Get out of the ICU free” card.
22. Why did the nurse wear a green uniform on St. Patrick’s Day? To prevent herself from getting patient-pinched!
23. Why was the nurse good at basketball? She was a pro at shots!
24. Why did the nurse become a magician? Because she’s great at making illnesses disappear!
25. Why don’t nurses play chess? They’re tired of moving pieces on a board.
26. How does a nurse comfort a grammar enthusiast? She reassures him that he’s in a stable comma.
27. Why did the nurse take up tennis? Because she was tired of serving in the hospital.
28. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of humor? Vein humor.
29. Why was the nurse great at parties? She could always patch things up.
30. Why did the nurse keep a diary? She was documenting her ‘patients’ journey!
31. Why did the nurse go to the bakery? Because she heard the best cure for flu is plenty of “roll” rest.
32. Why don’t nurses play baseball? Because the best ones know how to handle strikes!
33. Why did the nurse become a lawyer? She was already a pro at case management!
34. Why did the nurse join the orchestra? She had experience handling high-pressure instruments.
35. Why was the nurse a terrible DJ? Because whenever she tried to drop the beat, she’d resuscitate it!
36. Why do nurses make terrible comedians? Because they always work in stitches.
37. Why did the nurse always carry a sewing kit? For stitch-uations, of course!
38. Why do nurses always carry a scale? They’re great at weighing the pros and cons.
39. Why did the nurse carry a stopwatch? She had to time her patient’s pulse.
40. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of tree? The patient one!
41. Why did the nurse go to the spa? Because she needed some vitamin ‘pamper’!
42. What did the nurse say when she found a thermometer in her pocket? “Some bum’s got my pen!”
43. Why did the nurse always carry a map? She wanted to help patients find the road to recovery.

44. Why do nurses never play hide and seek? The IV always gives them away.
45. Why did the nurse keep a hamster? She wanted to keep an eye on vital squeaks!
46. Why don’t nurses play pool? They’re afraid they’ll get cornered in the wrong pocket!
47. Why did the nurse always have a flashlight? Because she lights up patients’ lives!
48. Why do nurses always have a watch? It’s high time someone kept track of patients.
49. Why did the nurse become a mountaineer? She wanted to elevate health care!
50. Why did the nurse bring a compass to work? She had to find the patient’s bearings.
51. Why did the nurse always carry scissors? She wanted to cut recovery time in half.
52. Why don’t nurses have a favorite flower? Because they don’t pick patients!
53. Why did the nurse start working at the zoo? She was great with ‘panda’-mic situations.
54. Why did the nurse carry a ruler? She measured her success in inches and feet.
55. Why don’t nurses get lost? Because they know all the arteries.
56. Why did the nurse always keep a stapler? She had a knack for keeping things together.
57. Why did the nurse carry a Swiss Army knife? She was prepared for all emergencies.
58. Why don’t nurses run marathons? They don’t have the patients.
59. Why did the nurse become an actress? She was great at drawing attention.
60. Why do nurses always carry an envelope? They like to push the envelope when it comes to care.

As we conclude our round of nurse jokes, we hope they’ve lifted your spirits and brought a smile to your face. Remember, laughter is often the best medicine. So, whether you’re in the hospital or at home, keep your sense of humor healthy. Until next time, keep laughing and keep healing!