Get ready to tackle some serious humor with our lineup of football jokes. From hilarious blunders on the pitch to cheeky fan banter, these jokes will keep the spirit of the game alive and kickin. Whether you’re a football fanatic or just in for the humor, you’re in for a real treat.
- Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They watch cricket instead.
- Why did the football go to the party? Because it was kicked around.
- Why don’t ghosts play football? They can’t get a kick out of it.
- What do you call a football player who paints well? A Picasso-back.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite football position? Ghoulkeeper.
- What do you call a footballer with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- Why are football stadiums so cool? They’re filled with fans.
- What’s a football player’s favorite drink? Penal-tea.
- How does a football player keep his pants up? With a good belt, it’s not rocket science!
- Why was Cinderella terrible at football? She always ran away from the ball.
- Why did the football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good ‘roll’ model.
- What do you call a cat that plays football? A goalie-cat.
- What kind of tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea.
- Why don’t aliens play football? They are afraid of shooting stars.
- Why can’t eggs play football? They always crack under pressure.
- Why was the math book a poor football player? It had too many problems.
- What do footballers add to their hotdogs? Mustardinho.
- Why did the scarecrow win the football game? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the football quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
- How do you catch a squirrel at a football game? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why did the footballer bring string to the game? Just in case he needed to tie the game.
- What do you call a dinosaur that plays football? A Tyrannosaurus Rex Grossman.
- What position does a ghost play in football? Ghoulie.
- Why is a footballer like a plant? They both need good roots.
- Why did the chicken join a football team? He heard the referee was blowing fowls.
- What do you call a forward that only scores in winter? A snow striker.
- What’s a footballer’s favorite part of a joke? The punch-line backer.
- Why did the football field get hot after the game? All the fans left.
- Why don’t some football players ever sweat? The fans keep them cool!
- Why was the soccer ball always unhappy? Because it was getting kicked around.
- What’s an insect’s favorite sport? Cricket. Not football!
- What do you call a dog who plays football? A rufferee.
- Why did the vampire get kicked off the football team? He kept trying to suck the ball.
- Why don’t goalkeepers ever get thirsty? They always catch the shots.
- Why is Cinderella so bad at football? She has a pumpkin for a coach.
- What do football players wear on Halloween? Face masks.
- Why did the soccer ball go to school? To get kicked up a grade!
- What’s a football player’s favorite type of music? Hip-pop.
- Why did the football team go to the bakery? To get a good roll.
- Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself at a football match? It’s two tired.
- Why do footballers take a nap during matches? They enjoy a good midfield dream.
- What does a football player do when he loses his eyesight? Become a referee.
- What kind of stories do soccer balls tell? Kicking tales.
- Why did the footballer hold his shoe to his ear? Because he liked sole music.
- What does a football player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks.
- Why are football players like candles? They burn out if not taken care of.
- How do you stop squirrels from playing football in your garden? Hide the ball, it’s not rocket science!
- Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? Just in case he needed to tie the match.
- How do football players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans.
- What position do artists play in football? Sketch-back.
- How is life like football? You need goals.
- Why do mummies make excellent football players? They’re good at wrapping up the opposition.
- What do you call a defender who doesn’t get injured? A lucky guy.
- Why don’t footballers play hide and seek? Because good ones are always found in the corner.
- Why is a bad football team like an old bra? No support.
- Why are bank tellers not allowed in football matches? They tend to pass notes.
- What’s a football player’s least favorite word? Defeat!
- Why did the footballer shower? To wash off his pitch.
- How does the moon play football? In the space between the stars.
- Why don’t some footballers make good dancers? Too many fowls.
- Why did the footballer take the ball to school? Because he wanted to show and tell.
- Why don’t zombies make good footballers? They’re always dribbling.
- Why is the football field not a good place to rest? Because the seats are not for reclining, they’re for upright fans.
- What do you call a referee who drinks coffee? A press referee.
- Why don’t spiders play football? They prefer the web.
- Why are football fields lined? So that the players know they are not coloring.
- How do you wake up a football team? Don’t worry, the fans will do it.
- Why did the footballer keep checking his phone? He was waiting for a call from the ref.
- Why did the footballer go to jail? He got caught tripping.
- Why are centipedes not allowed in football matches? It takes too long to put their shoes on.
- Why did the tomato turn red at the football game? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What’s a football player’s favorite part of a house? The Windows, they love the view from there.
- Why is a football team like a pancake? They both need a good flip to succeed.
- Why did the footballer sleep with his shoes on? He wanted to rise and shine.
- What do footballers eat for breakfast? Cereal and a cup of Joe (goal).
- What do you call a footballer with a telescope? A stargazer.
- Why do footballers like puns? They’re always trying to score.
- What do you call a referee with a stopwatch? A time referee.
- Why do football players go to school? They’re in training.
- Why don’t goalkeepers make good gardeners? They always dig holes.
- Why do footballers like jokes? Because they can’t resist a good kick-line.
- What do you call a footballer who thinks he can sing? A rapper-around-the-post.
- What is a football player’s favorite type of literature? Poetry in motion.
- Why did the footballer bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to get a head start.
- Why are football pitches always wet? The players dribble a lot.
- Why did the football team go to the bakery? Because they kneaded a good roll.
- Why did the footballer go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
- Why are footballers like tea kettles? When they’re on the field, they’re steaming.
- What do you call a footballer who never gets penalized? A good sport.
- What do you call a footballer who meditates? A Zen-ter forward.
- Why did the footballer go to the party? To get a kick out of it.
- Why is a footballer like a tree? They both have trunks.
- Why did the footballer sit on the sideline? He wanted to have the best seats in the house.
- Why did the footballer wear glasses? Because he didn’t want to miss a single play.
- Why did the football team go to the library? Because they wanted to get booked.
- Why is a footballer like a book? They both have covers.
- Why did the footballer take his ball to school? Because he wanted to get a kick out of it.
- Why did the footballer break his leg? Because he wanted a break.
- Why did the footballer go to the hospital? Because he wanted to get a check-up.
- What do you call a footballer who is always positive? A goal-oriented player.
We hope these football jokes have scored a goal in your humor league. Even when the game is tough, a little laughter can make it all feel like a thrilling match. Keep visiting us for your regular dose of football humor and remember, life’s a game, make sure you keep the laughs rolling.
